numb
by twighlightangel61090
Summary: What would have happened if that afternoon in Paul's room hadn't stopped at just a kiss? spin off of haunted
1. Chapter 1

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED. The part where Suze is in Paul's bedroom and he is trying to kiss her and stuff, I am going to re do the end of that scene and go from there.

Chapter One

Paul's kiss was filled with passion and longing. I had kissed him back at first, a mistake which I now regretted with every fiber of my being. "Paul" I said as I wrestled my lips away from his. He didn't seem to hear me; well either that or he didn't care. "Paul, stop." Once again my words had no affect on him. Now, instead of kissing my lips, which had become unattainable when I had pulled my head away, he now kissed anywhere and everywhere else.

Panicking, I tried to move my arms, but one of Paul's unnervingly large hands had both of my wrists pinned above my head, his iron like grip caused my arms to throb in pain.

The inability to use my arms, combine with the fact that Paul was now lying directly on top of me, his 180 or so pound figure pressing me firmly onto his bed, took away any hope that I may have had of fighting my way out of the situation.

"Paul, get off of me." I said as firmly as I could, which wasn't very because it was difficult to breath with him that close. I could still smell whatever cologne it was he had used that day. The sweet scent was intoxicating and made me feel lightheaded as his body moved over mine.

Removing his lips from my collar bone he replied, "Suze, you know you want this." I couldn't believe what I was hearing, how deranged did he think I was? But at the same time I couldn't help but think that for a moment there I had wanted it, but only for a moment. "You want this just as badly as I do." His voice came in short breathy pants in between the kisses he planted on my neck.

Paul then slid a smooth hand around the top of my Calvin Kline denim skirt, causing my body to shudder beneath him, though I'm not sure whether this was with fear or just because he was touching me. I could feel the warmth of his hand as it slipped under my pink scoop neck. For a moment or two I lie there letting him feel around as he pleased and even slightly enjoying it. I moved underneath him and he seemed to enjoy it, but as soon as I started to let go and give completely into the passion of the situation, I opened my eyes and looked at the guy on top of me.

Although Paul looked absolutely delectable that day, I couldn't help but think how wrong this was. I didn't love him and HELLO he had tried to kill me. I loved someone else, even though _that_ was never going to happen. "Paul?" I tried to get his attention but once again received no sign that he actually heard me. "Stop Paul, get off." I tried again.

"Suze," Finally a reaction, "Shut up." With those words I knew it was hopeless. I tried to think of a way to save myself, but nothing seemed to come to mind. For the next ten minutes I was helpless, and was subjected to whatever it was Paul decided to do. I don't know how I thought of it, but Jesse all of a sudden popped into my mind. _Jesse_. I closed my eyes and thought desperately, _Jesse I need you. _

A few minutes passed, but nothing happened. Now I know ghosts aren't dogs and they don't have to come when their called, but Jesse seemed to be the exception. Anytime that I had needed him, he had always shown up, even I was only thinking about him. _Jesse come on, please, I can't do this on my own I admit it, now please help me._

A few more minutes passed and Paul had now thoroughly explored the entire upper region of my body. Jesse wasn't coming. After all of the times he had saved my life, after all the times he said he would protect me, he wasn't coming. I knew it even as Paul's hand fumbled with the zipper to my skirt.

I went completely numb. There was no hope of escaping so I just lay there staring at the ceiling. Within a matter of minutes, both his clothes and most of mine, lay strewn across various pieces of furniture that decorated his room. But I barely registered anything that was happening. It was my fault. _I_ had agreed to come to his house. _I_ had sat on his bed. And _I_ had kissed him back. And now as Paul's body covered mine and moved intensely…there was nothing I could do.


	2. Chapter 2

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED.

Chapter two

I didn't get back to my house until a little after ten. I don't really remember much of the ride home, only that all 5 miles were spent in firm silence. When I arrived home, I found the house devoid of all life, which was just fine with me. It meant I didn't have to explain my absence from dinner and my neglect to call.

I dragged myself up the stairs to my room, my body aching with every step. Once inside I closed the door tightly behind me and leaned against it, tears clouding my vision. How could I have been so stupid? Everything that happened was at least partially, if not mostly my fault. I had given in and let him do this to me, I had urged him on. Only for a moment true, but part of me had wanted it for that moment. Part of me had wanted him for that moment. But that moment was one moment too long.

Feeling sick to my stomach, I crossed my room to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Stripping off my shirt, I looked down at my wrists. Paul's grip had been tight and now my arms were throbbing dully as I viewed them in the light of my bathroom. A bruise was already forming; I could feel the tenderness beneath the skin.

After a moment or two I carefully removed the rest of my clothing and stepped into the shower, wanting to wash away the past events of the night. I let the water rush over my aching limbs, though even still I felt dirty. But the kind of dirtiness I felt couldn't be washed away with water.

An hour later I sat on my window seat and stared at the moon. For close to twenty minutes I sat there looking at it, although I didn't really see it. My mind was too far gone. I tilted my head down to look, once again, at the bruises on my wrists, when I saw a blue light appear in the center of my room.

I didn't have to look to see who it was. I didn't move, except to avert my eyes back to the moon. Minutes passed in silence, although I could feel his gaze on the back of my head.

"Susannah" His voice as he said my name was silk like and full of worry. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" I said distantly, even to my own ears. But even as I said it, I lifted a shaking hand to my eyes and quickly mopped the tears from them.

"_Querida _I-"Jesse started, but I didn't let him finish.

"So where were you tonight?" I asked. Curious to know what had been so important that he had not been able to…. But I stopped mid thought, not allowing my mind to travel backwards in time. So instead I settled with busying myself by pushing my hair, still damp from the shower, out of my face.

"I went to see father Dominic." he answered with an inquisitive look. I finally turned to meet his gaze, tears still blurring my vision. His deep liquid eyes bore through the indifference I was showing and he took a step toward me. I jumped slightly. I didn't want anyone near me; I don't know why exactly, I just felt like it was a mistake to let anyone near me because something might happen, something like earlier. I didn't trust anyone… even Jesse.

"Oh" I said turning my gaze to the floor.

"Susannah is there something wrong?" he asked again.

"When I called you tonight" I paused, I wasn't sure how to ask it, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know, but I couldn't stop myself. The words came tumbling out of me before I could stop them "Why didn't you come?"

Jesse sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed "I had a feeling that was what this was about." I would normally have been enraged that he was jumping to conclusions, but honestly, I couldn't bring myself to care. It was as if all feeling had left me and nothing mattered anymore. So I just continued to look at my wrists, which were now turning a deep shade of blue and purple.

"I was speaking to Father Dominic about something very important when you called to me. Father Dominic, of course, could tell that you were the reason I wanted to leave, and advised against it."

Father D was the reason Jesse hadn't come? I couldn't believe it; he was always insisting that I needed help on my endeavors, and that I was far too reckless.

"But after he explained his reasons," Jesse went on, "I realized that he was right and that I had better stop coming to you whenever you call me Susannah. It is best that you learn to deal with situations on your own."

A toneless laugh escaped my throat. Jesse and Father Dom were finally willing to give me some freedom. Let me try to win my battles on my own, and the first time they do, I can't even defend myself against a seventeen year old boy. Granted Paul is no ordinary seventeen-old-boy.

Jesse's face grew more concerned as I continued to laugh hollowly and stood up. My entire body was shaking. I fought to steady myself, and keep myself from crying at the same time, but ended failing in both. The tears began to flow silently from my emerald eyes as Jesse stood also and took a step toward me. I jumped back as he did so and ended up jumping back into the wall. My head now dully ached from where it connected with the wall, although I wasn't paying it much attention.

Jesse looked confused. I had never before reacted this way when he came near me. In fact most of the time, I trembled with pleasure at the mere though of him touching me, but not now. "Q_uerida_?" he asked this, his voice filled with the same concern that shown in his deep brown eyes. He took another step toward me. I shrank back slightly, but Jesse kept walking toward me. When he came within arms reach, he lifted his hand and cupped my cheek just like he used to.

A few days ago I would have melted with his touch, but now as his calloused fingers grazed my skin I pushed his hand away and in a voice barely recognizable as my own I practically yelled, "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

I was glad no one was home. I didn't want to deal with anything right now, especially having to explain who in the world I was yelling at.

"Susannah…" He looked at me with such hurt in his eyes that I had to turn away. "_Querida_…" he tried again. Even though I wasn't looking I could still hear the pain in his voice.

"Just go." I said simply.

"Fine" He said still gazing at me, although still hurt, his voice was tender. He began to dematerialize, but apparently changed his mind. He was almost all the way gone, when he suddenly became solid again. What did he want?

"Susannah, tonight when you called to me, you sounded-"I could tell he was trying to find the words. "Well…you sounded frightened. Are you sure nothing happened tonight?"

I raised my eyes to meet his. Since living with Jesse I had started lying a lot, not that I ever got away with it. He always caught on in the end, if not right away, but I didn't care. "Nothing happened tonight Jesse." I said more acidly that I had meant to. "Would you stop asking me already?"

Before another word was spoken, Jesse vanished.


	3. Chapter 3

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED.

Chapter three

I tried to sleep, but kept having the same nightmare. _I was in the hallway lined with doors looking for Jesse; the fear came just like it had the night I saved Jesse. I saw a figure up ahead and started toward it thinking it was Jesse. But as I got close enough I could tell who it was, and it wasn't Jesse. I turned to run the other way but his hand closed over my wrist just as it had before. I twisted my arm to get it out of his grasp but it was too strong. _

"_HELP!" I screamed, although I knew no one could hear me. "LET ME GO! STOP!" I continued to scream for help even as he placed his hands firmly on my shoulders. _

"_Suze, come on. You know you want this." His voice was silky and seductive, but still possibly the scariest I've ever heard. _

"_NO, LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

"_Susannah."_ That was weird, Paul never called me Susannah. Slowly but surely the real world started coming back to me, first it frightened me because I didn't know what was happening but the grip on my shoulders was real.

My eyes snapped open to reveal a very pale Jesse, leaning over me looking very concerned. "Susannah, what is it? What's wrong?"

I tried to sit up but Jesse wouldn't let me move. I felt uncomfortable and frightened, he must have sensed this. He followed my gaze to his hand and he lifted both of them, but placed them on the headboard behind me, reminding me of every other time he had tried to get information out of me. My breathing was still heavy and uneven as he hung his head low over mine.

"Susannah?" He asked with a concerned but skeptical look on his face, "What is it?"

I looked at him with what I hoped was a confused expression, "What is what?"

He raised his eyebrows, "Susannah" he replied sternly. "You know exactly what I am talking about."

"Yeah, so." I was defensive though I couldn't explain why. This was _Jesse_, my _Jesse_, and yet I felt as though he was some complete stranger. I couldn't trust anyone; I couldn't let anyone near me. I could feel them again, tears, burning just behind my eyes waiting to escape and flow freely. I tried desperately to fight them back, I don't like to cry and I rarely ever do, but ever since Paul I seemed to be doing a lot of crying.

A tear slid down my cheek, followed shortly after by several more. Jesse reached out to wipe one away with the lacey white handkerchief that I had seen him use on my cuts and scrapes numerous times. But once again, as his hand came toward me an alarm went off deep inside of me and I jumped up and out of bed. Jesse looked at me with a startled expression as if I had just shot him or something.

"_Querida?" _he said this in a soft comforting voice, the kind that used to make me melt into a gooey puddle of Suze, but now it only caused me more pain and confusion. I know Jesse wasn't Paul, but if Paul was capable of something like that then wasn't Jesse?

I didn't know what to do, so I settled for walking over to the window seat and sitting down. It was cold, colder than normal at least. My tee-shirt and boxers weren't helping much and so I wrapped my arms around myself, although thinking about it I wasn't sure if it was only because I was cold or because I wanted to protect myself or something.

"Susannah you have to tell me what's wrong." Jesse's words seemed to catch in his throat as he spoke.

"I already told you, there is nothing wrong Jesse!" I was getting angry. I wasn't angry at him, I was angry at myself, angry at what had happened…and angry that there was nothing I could do about it. "And besides, why would I have to tell you?"

"See, there is something wrong." He stood up and crossed the room to the window seat where I sat in a few strides. He knelt by my side and I trembled as he took my hand in his.

"Jesse please-"

"-_Querida_, just tell me." His eyes were pleading, but once again I could feel my heart numbing and the only thing I could do, was take my hand from his, cross the room and climb back into bed.

"Just go Jesse."

The pain he felt when I spoke these words were clearly betrayed in his dark eyes.

"Susannah I-"

"-Jesse please, just go."

With that he vanished. I wrapped myself up in my blanket and cried shamelessly into my pillow.


	4. Chapter 4

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED. And thank you SO much to everyone that reviewed and gave suggestions I really enjoyed hearing what everyone thought.

Chapter four

The next day I wore loose fitting jeans and a long-sleeved sweater even though the temperature outside would have advised against it. But all I could think about was that there was no need to call attention to parts of my body that I would rather have stay invisible today.

My step brothers must have noticed this change in appearance since on the ride to school Dopy made a few snide remarks about my lack of style, and Doc seemed fully concerned and checked to see if my forehead was warm. I couldn't explain to him that I wasn't physically s_ick_, although I couldn't truthfully claim that I wasn't hurt.

a few minutes later I was standing at my locker putting my books away when over the PA came "Susannah Simon please report to the principal's office right away."

I closed my locker and headed in the direction of Father D's office. People kept shooting me strange looks as I continued to walk through the endless hordes of people crowding the halls. I pulled my arms close around me and fiddled with my silver chain necklace as I sped up to almost a jog.

By the time I had reached the door to the receptionist's office and closed it behind me I was sprinting. I was told to go right in, and spinning around I saw that Father D's door was already open and he looked very concerned, in return making him seem older and more worn out than I had ever seen him.

Closing the door behind me as I entered I could feel the good father's eyes on the back of my head. Delicately, I sat down in the chair across from his and awaited whatever new supernatural news had brought on this rather sudden appointment.

For close to five minutes we sat in almost eerie silence. The only audible sound was my breathing, still heavy from my having sprinted halfway here. For the first time I noticed that Father Dom was fiddling with that stupid pack of cigarettes he always has with him.

Normally I would have just told him to have one already and stop playing with them, but today I just sat there. That's all, just sat there. After what seemed like hours, Father D opened his mouth as if to say something, but ended up closing it again. He did this several times as If deciding the best way to say it.

"Susannah," finally he started to speak, "is there anything wrong? Has anything happened lately that I should know about?"

I was furious. I was so sick of people asking me that. So I shouldn't have been surprised when my voice came out several volumes louder than I had meant it. "NOTHING IS WRONG!"

"But Susannah, you hardly seem like yourself and-"

How would he know if I wasn't acting like myself, I hadn't seen him since the day before when I was most certainly the same old Suze? The same old naïve Suze, who would make a serious error in judgment.

"-Hardly seem like myself? Gee father what tipped you off." He seemed taken aback by the harshness of my words, but I didn't care. I just stood up and crossed to the door. Opening it, I took one last look back at father D, "There is nothing wrong with me, and I wish everyone would STOP ASKING ME!" (A/N yes I did mean to caps that lol).

Just as I was about to step through the door and close it behind me, I heard his soft voice, "Jesse stopped by this morning."

I didn't even turn around; I opened my mouth to say something but decided against it. Instead I just looked at the ground for a moment, then left the office slamming the door behind me.


	5. Chapter 5

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED. And thank you SO much to everyone that reviewed and gave suggestions I really enjoyed hearing what everyone thought! Please R&R! Sorry it took me so long to update, but at the request of some of my reviewers I tried to make this chapter longer.

Chapter five

I bounded out into the deserted hallway feeling all of my pent up range and tension bubbling to the surface. Tears of fury and confusion flooded my vision as I swiftly walked through the school. I didn't even know where I was going, but I wanted to leave everything behind, I wanted to go fast enough so that it would never catch up with me and I would never have to deal with it. Because the truth is, I'm not sure I could deal with it.

Jesse had no right to go to Father Dominic, he had absolutely no right to invade my personal space like that and go behind my back. I felt so betrayed. I headed toward the front door of the mission; I had to get out of there. I had to go somewhere…anywhere. It didn't really matter as long as I kept moving.

I was almost thirty feet from the door when I felt an iron like grip seize my arm and pull me into the nearest custodial closet. It was so dark in there that I couldn't see who had pulled me in there. I was slammed up against the door and a hand was placed firmly over my mouth. "Shhh, don't make a fuss Suze."

The smooth voice rang seductively close to my right ear. I knew that voice, and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the closet, my suspicions were confirmed. Paul pressed his body firmly against mine and removed his hand from my mouth only to cover it with his.

Images from the previous night came back in painful flashes. I jerked my head away from his but he wouldn't give up that easily. He roughly grabbed my chin and painfully yanked my mouth back into alignment with his own.

Another painful memory flashed before my eyes. _I could feel Paul's hand graze my bare chest as his breath became heavy and ragged as if filled to the breaking point with passion. His body moved rhythmically against my own._ Coming back to reality, I realized that, although this was a day later, and we were standing up in a closet, his body still moved to the same rhythmic motion against mine.

I moved my arms to push him away from me, but he painfully clasped my already bruised wrists and I let out a small yelp which was stifled by the fact that his mouth still covered my own. I struggled to free myself from his grasp, painfully twisting my aching wrists to try and wrench them away; the only result was his already painful grip turning to a deadly grip and strengthening his resolve.

He was angry. I bet I was the only girl to ever reject Paul Slater, and he was not happy about it.

His lips moved from my mouth to my neck, and I took that opportunity of my mouth being free to try to get him to stop. "Paul, let me go." My voice came as barely a whisper, although I know he heard me, because he pulled apart from me for a moment. I though that maybe he was going to do as I asked and let me go, but no such luck. His chest rising and falling with his unsteady breathing he whispered back "Just relax Suze; no one is going to find out."

"Paul please." My voice was quiet and pleading, I could feel tears of frustration and fear rise once again.

"Aw come on Suzie. You can't tell me that when I'm near you, you don't want me to touch you, and you can't tell me that when I touch you, you don't ache for more." His hands were on either side of my head trapping me between his arms, and his face was nuzzled between my neck and shoulders, his warm breath tingling as it grazed the skin on my collar bone.

Then from all around us I could hear the doors of classrooms opening up and the hallways fill with students. I really had to go, Paul must have noticed that he too had to go to class because he leaned in and kissed me again. Then he pulled away and put his mouth very close to my right ear, "I'll see you around Suzie." And with that he turned and left the custodial closet.

I stood there for a moment or two, but finally I let the tears come and slid to the floor. I was shaking uncontrollably as I was wracked with powerful, pain filled sobs that seemed to voice the horror that was going on inside of me.

I didn't get up to go to class, in fact I have no idea how long I lay there crying in the darkness of the closet. Time seemed lost to me, I remember hearing the doors open again, then again, then again, but none of it seemed to register, I just sat and cried. You would think that it was impossible to cry for that long of a time, but I couldn't stop the tears from coming.

After the fourth time I heard the doors open and close I heard someone out in the hallway. "Susannah?" It was father Dominic, he must be furious; I hadn't gone to lessons all day. "Susannah where are you?" I didn't care if he was furious, I didn't care that I hadn't gone to my classes, nothing mattered, and I very much doubted if anything ever would again.

I let out another gut wrenching sob, and I could hear Father Dom stop in front of the closet door; he had heard me. He turned the door knob and the bright California sunlight streamed into the darkness that I had been enclosed in for several hours.

"Dear lord, Susannah, what happened?" the old man looked worried; he came over and knelt down beside me. I was still half sitting half lying on the ground, my face wet from tears and my eyes red and swollen. When I didn't answer him, he lifted me off the ground and carried me to his office where he sat me down in the char opposite his desk.

I just sat there and stared blankly in front of me as father Dom came round the front of my chair and knelt so he was eye level with me. I couldn't lift my gaze to meet his, after a few moments he tenderly cupped the side of my face with his hand but as another painful memory flashed through my mind I pulled my face away and he quickly withdrew his hand.

"Susannah, can you tell me what is wrong? I am certainly not accustom to seeing you like this. You skipped all of your lessons today, and I find you crying in a custodial closet. There is obviously something wrong here, and I would like to help you but seeing as you won't tell me what is wrong, it is proving very difficult."

I couldn't summon up the will to speak, so I just sat there. Then with a long sigh, Father Dom finally stood and crossed to the other side of his desk to sit in his chair. "Well Susannah, if you hadn't noticed, school is now over, you have missed all of your lessons, and now you are left without a ride home."

I simply stood up, "I'd rather walk anyway."

"Absolutely not. Sit down Susannah; you are not walking anywhere, especially not by yourself. I am calling your home, and someone will come to get you."

I returned to my seat in the chair, I knew he wasn't going to reach anyone at home. Mom and Andy were off somewhere attending some kind of retreat for Andy's work, Dopy was spending the weekend at his friends house, and Doc was going to be at his friends house today to work on a science project, then tomorrow he was going to some new exhibit at the museum.

Nevertheless Father Dom picked up the phone and dialed my number. It rang a few times until I was surprised to find, someone answered the phone.

"Hello, this is Father Dominic from the Mission Academy, may I ask with whom I am speaking? Ah yes, well then I was seeing if someone could come and get Susannah. Thank you, she will meet you in my office."

A few moments passed after he hung the phone back up on its base, "Your brother Jake will be here in a few minutes to collect you."

I had forgotten about Jake, he was home from college for a week. So we waited. Neither of us spoke, although I could see Father Dom open his mouth several times to say something, and then thought better of it. I didn't really mind that he didn't say anything, in fact I preferred it.

Ten minutes had passed when there was a knock at the office door. Father D. lifted his gaze to the door "Come in".

The door opened and Jake stepped in looking rather awkward. He came over to take a look at me as if expecting to see me all bloody (he was still fully under the impression that I was in a gang). I could feel his eyes look me up and down, and then felt them rest on my wrists. Without even thinking I pulled them both behind myself and out of view, but it was too late, he had seen them. "Suze, what happened to your wrists?"

I didn't respond, but Father Dom came out from behind his desk and once again knelt beside me. "Susannah, let me see your wrists." I didn't move. "Susannah, I am not playing games, let me see your wrists."

I slowly pulled my arms around from the back of the chair to rest gently on my lap. Both father D. and Jake let in small gasps at the sight of my now dark purple bruises on my wrists, and wouldn't you know, but bruises were finger print shaped. "My god, Susannah!"

"Suze what happened?" Jake for once didn't look sleepy, he looked…well he looked concerned. His eyes shown for the first time with what can only be described as brotherly love. But me being who I am, and the circumstances being what they were, I looked at ground and in a voice barely audible said, "Nothing happened. I-I uh slept on them wrong." It sounded stupid even to me.

"Susannah, don't lie to me." Now he was angry, if there's one thing I can do to make Father D. mad it's to lie to him. "And besides, sleeping on them wrong wouldn't result in the bruises being finger shaped. Someone did this to you."

Once again I didn't say anything, I'm not sure why exactly. I think it might have been the nagging fear at the back of my mind. (A/N anything in italics is a flash back)

_I pulled on my shirt, wincing as I bent my wrists. There would be a bruise there for sure. Paul came over to sit next to me on the bed after pulling his own clothes back on. He lifted a hand and brushed the hair that was in front of my face as I bent my head towards the ground behind my shoulder grazing my skin as he did so. This sent shivers through my body. _

"_Don't forget Suze, this will be our little secret." His icy eyes looked menacing and murderous. Then he lowered his head so his lips were right next to my ear, "you wouldn't want anything…unfortunate to happen should you say anything…would you?" _

I snapped out of it and Father Dom heaved a heavy sigh and pulled his hands through his hair, "Susannah if you will step out of the office a moment Jake will be right with you."

I did as I was told, I stood and walked to the receptionists area and took a seat. For the five or so minutes that Jake was in Father Dom's office, I stared at the wall, no joke; I just sat there and stared at the wall. Although with me this seemed to be a pattern lately.

After what seemed like hours, Jake emerged and turned to me, "Let's go." With that I followed him out to the car and climbed in. Jake put the key in the ignition and made to turn it, but hesitated. "Suze…?"

I raised my eyes to meet his. Seeing that he had eye contact he continued his expression growing more and more concerned by the minute, "Suze, I know that since you got here, we haven't always exactly …well we haven't been there for each other. But I want you to know that you can tell me anything. We're still family, step or not, you're my sister and I worry about you."

Wow, Jake actually cared. I guess he's not such a bad big brother after all. "Thanks Jake. I don't mean to make you worry." With that I buried my face in my hands so he wouldn't see me cry. "But I…"

"What is it?" Jake looked petrified. "Suze, come on…tell me."

I turned to meet his eyes once more. "Jake…I can't." if I told him, Paul would find out, I knew he would. Someone would get hurt and it would be my fault, there was nothing I could do. The tears came harder, I couldn't bear it anymore, I had to get out of there. I placed my hand on the door handle and let myself out of the car…maybe walking home would calm me down. But I didn't make it more than ten steps before Jake was in front of me and had put his arms out to meet my shoulders. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Suze you have to tell someone, I can see what it is doing to you. It's eating you alive."

"You don't understand." I was screaming by this point, no longer able to contain the pain and fury that consumed me and threatened to tear me apart.

"Well then make me understand!"

"I can't…He-He'll…I just can't."

"Who? Suze who has got you so afraid?" Jake pulled me into his embrace and wrapped his arms around me. "You can tell me. I won't let anything happen to you."

"I wa-was at his house, we were in his bedroom. I-I didn't think he would…" I knew I wasn't forming coherent sentences; everything was just rushing out of me before I could change my mind.

"Slow down, whose house…didn't think he would do what?"

"He-he kissed me, I didn't mean to, b-but I kissed him back at first. But he wouldn't stop…I said no, I told him to get off of m-me, but he w-wouldn't listen. He just g-got on top of me…" I couldn't find the words to continue. I met Jake's gaze and there was a fear and anger behind it that I had never seen before.

"Who Suze? Tell me."

"Th-then today, he took me into the closet and t-tried to…d-do it again…I'm wasn't strong enough…Paul, he-he's too strong…he-"

"-SLATER! HE DID THIS TO YOU?" the fear from his eyes vanished and was replaced by the most murderous look…it looked like he seriously wanted to kill someone. "Suze look me in the eyes…did he…" I could see he was hesitating to say the word…"did he rape you?"

I couldn't bear to hear the word out loud; I just collapsed into his arms and sobbed. Jake just held me and stroked my hair soothingly. "Don't worry Suze…I wont let him hurt you again…it's gonna be ok, I'm here."

The thing is, he could say those things all he wanted, but I knew it was far from over.


	6. Chapter 6

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED. And thank you SO much to everyone that reviewed and gave suggestions I really enjoyed hearing what everyone thought! Please R&R! Sorry it took me so long to update, but I had a lot going on lately. Well anyways I hope you enjoy.

Chapter six

Jake drove me home and carried me to my room. I had stopped crying by this point, my breathing was still erratic and my eyes stung painfully. I shivered even as the warm California sun came streaming through my window. It felt odd to me that it could be so sunny and cheerful out when I felt the way I did. The world was going on as usual and I was stuck in some hell that seemed to stretch forever in all directions leaving me with no escape and no relief.

Entering my room Jake laid me on my bed then knelt down next me placing his head on his hands so that we were eye level. "Get some rest Suze." He reached out to stroke my hair, and I let him. Knowing Jake was there made me feel safe. It occurred to me that even though I loved Jesse with all my heart, I couldn't let him touch me. Yet Jake, whom I had never exactly gotten along with before, made me feel secure for the first time in two days.

He stood to leave the room but I grabbed his hand as he turned away. As if sensing my fear, he turned to me and spoke with a tenderness in his voice I had never heard him use before, "I will be right down the hall, I promise you I won't let anything happen."

I slowly released his hand from my firm yet shaky grasp. He left the room closing the door softly behind him. I curled up into a ball pulling my knees in close to feel the security it provided. I was so tired that sleep threatened to overtake me, but I refused to let my eyes close, remembering all to well what had happened the last time.

"_HELP!" I screamed, although I knew no one could hear me. "LET ME GO! STOP!" I continued to scream for help even as he placed his hands firmly on my shoulders. _

"_Suze, come on. You know you want this." His voice was silky and seductive, but still possibly the scariest I've ever heard. _

"_NO, LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

I mentally shook myself as I felt shivers run down my spine and my blood run cold at the mere memory of the nightmare that plagued my thoughts in sleep and in consciousness. I hugged myself tighter, only casing pain to emanate from my wrists and radiate up my arms. I loosened my grip reducing the pain to a dull aching.

I lay in my bed feeling nothing as I stared, once again, at the wall. I don't know what it was about it; maybe it was the simplicity, the solidness and sturdiness of the wall that caused me to focus on it. Maybe in some weird way I was envious of its inability to feel.

I lay there for what felt like days when I finally allowed my eyes to drift closed, only to be woken moments later by the phone ringing. I heard Jake pick it up and answer it with his usual, "yeah?" It is strange how sound travels in this house when it is virtually empty.

Jake tone changed rapidly from indifferent to panicking. "But I can't go in tonight, I have to stay home and watch my sister."

A pause as the person on the other end responded. "She's sixteen-but-can't you get someone else to do it?"

Another pause then a grunt of frustration. "Fine, I'll be right in." The phone was slammed down on the receiver. A minute or two passed in silence, in which time panic began to rise up inside of me. Jake was going to leave; I started to shake once again, this time uncontrollably so that my limbs were jostled painfully. I clenched my teeth in an effort to hold myself still, but failed miserably as tears once again rose to my eyes.

I could still hear Jake in the other room; he had picked up the phone again, this time to make a call. "Hello is Brad there?" a pause as the person on the other line went to get Brad no doubt. "Brad I need you to come home….because I said so that's why" Jake's voice rose to a level I had never before heard escape his mouth. "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT BRAD JUST QUIT COMPLAINING AND GET THE FUCK OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!"

After a few minutes Jake knocked softly on my door then entered fully dressed in his work uniform. He crept quietly over to the side of the bed apparently expecting me to be asleep. Although I was turned the other way I could see his shadow on the wall, caused by the rapidly sinking sun that shown into my room. I was still shaking as he laid a comforting hand on my shoulder.

I rolled over to face him, there by letting him know that I was not asleep. Kneeling down he looked at me with great concern in his eyes, "I have to go to work Suze, but I called Brad to come and watch you."

I continued to shake, perhaps harder than before. Yeah like Brad actually cared about anyone but himself. I was scared, I'll admit it. I had a bad feeling that I couldn't shake. It wasn't over, not by a long shot.

Jake must have sensed my fear because he took his other hand and stroked my hair soothingly just as he had done earlier that day. "Shhhh, don't worry. Everything will be fine I promise you."

He stood to leave, but as he reached the door I stopped him. "Jake?"

"Yeah Suze?"

"Don't tell Brad…or anyone else."

"I promise. Now get some sleep." And he left.

I know he stayed until Brad got there, even if it did happen to be close to a half an hour later, I Hope Jake doesn't get in trouble for being late to work. Their voice seemed to rise up the stairs to my room and reach my ears.

Brad sounded angry "What the hell did I have to come home to watch Suze for? I mean she's 16 freaking years old for Christ sake."

I froze up, Jake promise he wouldn't tell. I felt myself stop breathing. I could practically feel Jake pausing to think of an answer. "I said so that's why. And if I come home and find out you left for any reason I will personally kick your ass so hard you will wish you didn't have one. Got it?"

There was a moment's pause. Brad seemed very taken aback when he finally answered in a quiet voice, "got it."

The front door opened but Jake stopped. "And Brad…"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let anyone in the house."

"What ever you say Jake." The front door closed shut and a few moments later I could hear the car start up and pull out of the driveway leaving the house in silence once more.

As the sun continued to sink further in the sky I closed my eyes and willed myself to go to sleep. I thought about the previous night and how I had acted toward Jesse. I felt badly for saying what I did, he was only trying to help after all. I could feel sleep overtake me and my breathing steadied.

_I lay in my bed, but was no longer in my room. In fact I had no idea where I was, it was dark. There was nothing there, only blackness. I could feel someone watching me. I closed my eyes. "Wake up…come on Suze wake up." My voice seemed to echo all around me, I felt so alone. Except for the pair of eyes I could feel boring into me. _

"_Suuuuzie." I could hear the voice…the silky smooth voice. It was playing with me. "Suuuuzie." _

"_No" I breathed. I firmly placed my hands over my ears to block out the sound. _

"_Come on, did you really think it would be that easy Suzie?" Now the voice seemed to be coming from inside my own head. I just clasped my hands tighter over my ears, as if expecting it to block out the world around me. _

_I firmly closed my eyes, begging myself to wake up. Then I felt icy hands close around my shoulders and shake me. I immediately opened my eyes and released my ears to reach out grab hold of whatever was grasping me. As soon as my eyes opened I saw the icy-blue eyes that had haunted my every step. The fact that they weren't real didn't make them any less horrifying. _

_I went to scream but his mouth covered mine before a sound could escape my lips. His fingers grasped my shoulders painfully, his nails, although short, cut into my skin. I could feel the warm blood drip slowly down my arms._

_Wake up Suze…come on wake up. _

I sat up bolt right in bed panting for breath. I could still feel the pain in my shoulders, but as I looked there was no blood. I put a hand to my forehead, I was sweating and it felt like my skin was burning. My hand shook as It rested on my head for a moment or two. My whole body was trembling as I took in the sights around me.

My room was dark; the sun had now fully set. I let my eyes gaze the room, but ended up resting them on the open window. I am positive that window was shut. I could feel them again…the eyes. I felt them seer into me, although I could not tell where they were coming from.

Closing my eyes I wished to wake up. _Come on Suze just wake up…this isn't real._ Then I felt it, the grip on my shoulders. I opened my eyes to see Paul's steely eyes looking down at me. He was straddling me pinning me to my spot. I made to scream but his mouth covered mine before a single sound escaped.

Just as before his fingers dug into my skin producing blood that soaked my white sweater, and just as before I felt helpless and alone. Only this time…it wasn't a dream.


	7. Chapter 7

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED. And thank you SO much to everyone that reviewed and gave suggestions I really enjoyed hearing what everyone thought! Please R&R! Sorry it took me so long to update as always, between school and crap at home there was so much to do. But here it is and I hope you like it! (p.s. I know some people got confused last time, anything in Italics is either a flashback or a dream, ill specify during the story which it is)

Chapter seven

I winced and groaned in pain as Paul in return groaned in pleasure. His body moved with such hunger, a raw passion, a need for the touch of bare skin against his. He moved with strong fluid movements, pushing my trembling body firmly against my mattress. I felt helpless as I lay there staring into the emptiness that surrounded me. I could hear brad downstairs in the living room watching television. If only I could tell him that I needed him.

Paul slipped his tongue into my mouth and I bit it causing him to withdraw his mouth from my own. I let out a sort of strangled shriek, for although my mouth may have been uncovered, his heavy frame pressed against mine causing my breathing to come in short strangled gasps. I could hear the television downstairs mute suddenly. Paul must not have noticed. He seemed to be in a sort of trance.

"Paul please" I begged with him "please"

He didn't even seem to hear me, just as the first time. I was frightened, it was happening the same way. He wouldn't hear me and he wouldn't stop. I was doomed to endure the same pain I had lived the night before.

I heard someone outside my door. "BRAD HELP!" my voice came out just as frightened as I felt, I could tell by now that I was crying again (A/N I know I know a lot of crying, just bare with me…and a new ghost is coming soon I promise).

"Suze?" Brad sounded very confused. "Suze, what's going on?"

"BRAD PLEASE, HELP ME HE-"but I was cut off, Paul had snapped out of whatever "trance" he was in and had placed his hand firmly over my mouth. I was still shrieking even though I knew my voice was muffled.

"Don't worry Suze." Brad actually sounded concerned, that must be a first. He tried the door handle. "It's locked, I can't get through." my body froze up at those few simple words. Paul laughed in my ear making me cringe underneath him.

"Don't worry Suzie, I'll take good care of you." As he spoke his voice came out right next to my ear and sent shivers down my spine as the warmness of his breath grazed my skin.

"Whose is that voice?" Brad's voice came from out in the hall. He was frantically still trying the doorknob.

Just then I heard a car pull up outside. _Jake is home_, I thought to myself. A small cinder of hope began to burn inside of me. I struggled against Paul's grip. Twisting and pulling, trying to get away. I heard Jake pounding up the stairs.

"Brad there is a car here; I thought I told you not to let anyone into the house!" His voice was nervous and threatening.

"I didn't know anyone was in the house, they must have gotten in through her window." Brad retaliated.

There was a slight pause. The thickness in the air threatened to suffocate. "What do you mean 'must have gotten in through her window'?" with that he immediately started trying the doorknob. "SUZE?"

Once again I strained to scream through Paul's hand. Even though my voice was stifled I could tell that Jake heard me. Nothing happened for several seconds, but then I heard a loud banging noise on the door. Paul didn't seem to care; his other hand was already roaming around underneath my shirt.

They seemed to be trying to break down the door, and after a few minutes of hopefulness I lost faith that it would work. Then I though of Jesse, he could save me…I had to believe he would. _Jesse,_ I thought, _Jesse please help me. I need you now more than I've ever needed you before. _I waited for a moment and I couldn't believe it, Jesse materialized right at the side of my bed. His face was one mixed with horror, anger and…well guilt. It didn't take him very long to recover himself and punch Paul, but to both of our amazement, Paul didn't budge, even the slightest.

With one last had "BANG" Jake and Brad came barreling through the door with what looked like one of the downstairs kitchen chairs. Jake proceeded to use the chair to knock Paul clean off of the bed. As soon as Paul was off of me, I sprang to my feet and ran into my bathroom and locked myself in. there was no way that I was going back out there.

I was shaking uncontrollably, blood soaking my shirt (A/N yes I decided it was a tee-shirt not a sweater, it just worked better, sorry if I ruined it). The shirt was also ripped at the bottom where Paul was trying to remove it. I wrapped my arms around my body in attempt to steady myself, but this proved to be a useless task.

In a few moments Jesse had materialized by my side. Before I even had a chance to protest he had swept my trembling body into his arms and was attempting to stop my shaking. I was loosing the feeling in my legs and I couldn't support my weight any longer. Jesse held onto me and we both slowly sank to the floor until I was leaning against his strong chest and his arms wrapped protectively around me. I moved my hand to his shirt sleeve and clung to it as if it were my only lifeline.

"Susannah" he started to speak but his voice wavered slightly as he spoke. "I'm so sorry." As he said this I felt something cold and wet fall silently onto my bare arm. Jesse was crying.


	8. Chapter 8

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED. And thank you SO much to everyone that reviewed and gave suggestions I really enjoyed hearing what everyone thought! Please R&R! I am so sorry it took so long, but I've been studying for my AP exam this week, but I finally get a break, YAY (I did a lot of studying already today). ENJOY!

Chapter eight

Sitting there in Jesse's arms I slowly relaxed and felt safe in his embrace. _This is Jesse._ I thought. _My Jesse, nothing will ever happen to me while he is here._ His strong hand stroked my hair as he whispered soothingly in Spanish. I wished will everything I had that I could just lay here forever. But not five minutes later, I could hear a soft knocking on the bathroom door. I didn't answer; I couldn't even find my voice.

"Suze he's gone, please come out." Jake's voice called softly and tenderly through the door. I didn't move for a moment.

Jesse leaned in close to me and whispered softly in my ear. "Susannah, go out and see your brothers, I will be with you don't worry." Slowly and with Jesse's help I carefully picked myself up off the bathroom floor. I reached my hand out and unlocked the door, turned the knob and stepped back out into my bedroom, where I was immediately swept into a rough embrace by Jake. I winced as he applied pressure to my wounded arms, and he immediately let go, but still held me gently at arms length.

Brad came bounding back into the room. "That Slater guy won't be able to sit down for a month with the ass kicking I gave him."

"Suze we should call the police" Jake suggested, but those few words made my blood run cold.

My eyes were pleading, "Jake no." Paul had already threatened me into not telling anyone, if I involved the police I had no idea what would happen, to me or to anyone else. I couldn't take that risk…I wouldn't take that risk.

"Suze you were raped, and almost raped again." I winced as Jake explained this to me.

Brad's expression grew graver, "wait, this has happened before?"

I had forgotten that Brad didn't know this. I looked at the floor, and then at Jesse, who was also watching me with a grave expression of interest. "I really don't want to talk about it" I answered.

"Suze, why didn't you tell us? You know that we would have killed him for it." Brads indignance on my behalf gave me new respect and confidence in him.

"That's just it, I couldn't tell you." I replied my voice rising slightly.

Now Jake joined in, "Why?" He paused a moment as if thinking it over. "What did he say to you? Suze what did he threaten you with?"

"Jake please," I begged "I can't, he'll find out, he's probably already-"I broke off as I felt the familiar choking in the back of my throat.

"Already what Suze?" Jake tightened his grip on my shoulders.

"JAKE PLEASE, I CAN'T" I was hysterical; I couldn't risk what might happen. I had to make them understand. They both seemed to shrink back slightly. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…I just" I wasn't thinking straight, but they both seemed to know what I was getting at. Jake pulled me into a hug and kissed me on the cheek, the he moved aside and Brad did the same.

Jake looked at the blood still soaking my tee-shirt. "Suze, will you be able to bandage that up by yourself, or do you need help?"

I glanced in Jesse's direction, "I think I can do it."

Jake nodded and turned to leave. He paused in the doorway and looked back, "I'll be right down the hall if you need me." Then he turned and left.

Brad stayed for a moment and came over and gave me another kiss on the cheek. "Suze I don't want you to ever be afraid to tell me anything, I'll always protect you. I know it never seemed like I cared, but your still family, and I think I've even started to grow attached to you." He smiled slightly and left the room, closing the door behind him.

I turned around after a moment or two and stood face to face with Jesse. "Querida, last night when I came to you and asked you what was wrong, why did you lie and say that it wasn't anything?" I couldn't answer; I just looked at the ground, not able to look directly into his dark eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?" Jesse was hurt, I could tell, but there was nothing I could say. I would have to explain everything, but that was going to be a long painful conversation.

Jesse stepped in close to me and stroked my hair, "You can tell me Querida." And so I took a long breath and began the story.


	9. Chapter 9

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: This spin off takes place during HAUNTED. And thank you SO much to everyone that reviewed and gave suggestions I really enjoyed hearing what everyone thought! And also sorry for it being so long since I updated, I had finals and stuff going on at school and then I had tremendous writers block but I hope this makes up for it!

Chapter nine

I had already been speaking for close to five minutes in the same toneless voice that I had been using for the past two days, when Jesse began to bandage my arms. I began with my going to Paul's house after school; I could tell that Jesse was refraining from mentioning how stupid this was on my part. I was only numbly aware of the pain that came from the disinfectant Jesse had applied to the wound.

"He pinned my arms down and I tried to get away but he was too strong. I was so scared. I couldn't do anything he had his entire body covering mine." I turned to look at Jesse; he had paused from cleaning my wounds. He turned his gaze toward the floor as these last words left my mouth. "Jesse I tried." I continued, my voice catching slightly in my throat. All of the pain started to well up into my voice. "I know I always say that I can do things on my own, and I really tried." He looked at me and grasped my hand as if lending me the strength to continue. "And then I thought of you. I tried to call you but you never came..." Jesse lifted his gaze to meet mine. "So I just gave up hope."

These few words seemed to break Jesse's heart. His eyes, I remember how untelling I always found them, but now there was pain etched clearly in the darkness that once captivated me. He reached up to cup my face; I let him do this as the tears started falling. I didn't want Jesse to see me cry so I started to turn away from him only to have him raise his free hand and gently wipe the salty tears from my face with a tenderness that comforted me like nothing else could.

"Jesse, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, I wanted to so bad, but-"

"-Susannah, don't apologize, just tell me something." his voice was as tender as the hand that now ran soothingly through my hair. "Why couldn't you tell me?"

I looked away, I couldn't tell him. Paul would find out, he already knew that both Jesse and my brothers knew what he had done; it would only be making matters worse if I said anything else. Jesse seemed to sense my apprehension "what did he threaten you with?"

My voice was barely a whisper as I spoke, "I can't tell you." Jesse withdrew both of his hands and stood. He looked frustrated and angry all of a sudden, I had no warning as he cocked back his fist and let it fly into the wall causing me to jump where I sat.

"Jesse please," I paused, "believe me if I could tell you I would, don't you understand?"

"Susannah, you can tell me no matter what he threatened you with, nothing will happen to you I swear it, I will be here to protect you." he moved forward and clasped both of my trembling hands in his. "I will always be here with you." He then lowered his head to rest gently on mine as he looked deeply into my emerald eyes. "I love you Susannah Simon."

After a moments silence in which I took in the words he had just spoken I was able to choke out a reply, "I love you too." Then against my better judgment I answered his question, "He said that I'd never see you again."

Jesse looked taken aback, "What?"

"If I told anyone, Paul said that I would never see you again if I told anyone what happened. And anything that happened to my family as a result would be my fault." Jesse looked horrified, "Jesse if anything happens I don't know what I'll do, I'll-"

"-Shhh. It's going to be ok, nothing will happen, I promise." Hearing him say these words calmed me significantly. He then picked me up and carried me to my bed. "You need to rest Susannah." Apparently seeing the alarm that quickly spread over my face Jesse quickly added "I'll stay with you." at which time he pulled the covers over me and leaned over my mouth and kissed me gently on the lips. I didn't pull away. And instead of taking his usual spot on the window seat Jesse sat beside me as I fell asleep.

(A/N I know not the best chapter but I was having severe writers block and i'm trying to get the story to go in a certain direction but I hope you all liked it none the less. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGH!)


	10. Chapter 10

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: Ok well I hope this update is better than the last, I think I'm over my writers block, I re read some of the stories and I think that helped me. I just wanted to thank everyone who has stuck with the story it really means a lot to me that you read it.

Chapter Ten

My eyes fluttered open after what had been, thankfully, a long and dreamless sleep. I turned my head to see Jesse still beside me on the bed and fully awake. He lifted a finger to his mouth (the universal quiet symbol) and at seeing my confused expression he pointed to the far corner of my room. There Jake sat; his head leaning against the wall, completely out cold, across his lap there was a metal baseball bat. Jesse leaned down and whispered in my ear "Jake is here and I have something that I must do." I looked down at my pink ruffled comforter and nodded. "Susannah," Jesse said soothingly as he placed his finger beneath my chin and lifted my face so that our eyes would meet, "if you need anything just call to me and I will be there." I nodded again only this time my gaze remained on his. He bent forward to kiss me softly on the top of the head then dematerialized.

I then looked over at Jake, I wondered how long he had been there; he looked exhausted. I was just wondering whether or not to wake him when his eyes slowly opened and he saw that I was awake. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly into a sleepy smile, "Hey there, you're finally awake." He stood and crossed the room sitting on the edge of my bed. Coincidentally the exactly spot Jesse had just vacated.

I glanced over at my alarm clock, it read '10:26'. "Jake I have school today why didn't you wake me up?" I started to pull the covers back to get out of bed, "If mom and Andy find out that I was late to school they'll kill me." Much to my confusion Jake just pushed me back down to a sitting position on the bed and smiled slightly.

"Suze relax, I called Mom and told her that you weren't feeling well."

"And she bought that?" After all this was my mother, the woman wouldn't let me stay home if I was coughing up blood.

"She did when I told her that you had a fever of 102 and had been up half the night seeing your meals in reverse." Just then I felt a rush gratitude towards Jake. "I figured that you could use the rest."

"Is Brad still upset about having to miss his party yesterday?" I wondered.

"No, he just wants you to be ok." This helped me relax a little; I didn't want Brad to me angry with me.

This thought made me think. I found myself finally starting to care about things again. And to think, it was due to the heroic efforts of my step brothers. My eyes began to well up again, that still hadn't gone back to normal. Jake just wrapped his arm protectively around me, "Hey, look at me, it's all going to be ok."

I smiled for the first time in what felt like years as I leaned my head back to lean on Jake's shoulder. "Jake?"

"Yeah?" I could hear his reply reverberating in his chest as he spoke.

"Thank you." And I really meant it.

"Hey, I couldn't let anyone hurt my baby sister." And I think that was the moment that they all stopped being my step brothers and just became my brothers.

"Jake I'm glad that you're my brother."

"Wow no 'step' attached to that brother?" he mocked with a grin on his face, knowing full well that every time someone had ventured far enough to call any of them 'my brother' that I quickly corrected them.

"No 'step', just brother." Jake grinned even wider and gave me a quick peck on the top of the head before standing.

"Come on, lets go down to the kitchen, I'll make you breakfast."

It was around noon when we finished breakfast. Turns out that cooking must have been hereditary in the Ackerman family, because the Pancakes and eggs that Jake made were well on there way to being as good as Andy's. My appetite still had not fully returned so I ate only one pancake and one egg, Jake seemed to understand though since he did not badger me about it.

I was helping Jake clear the dishes from the table, despite his protests that he could handle it, when the thought hit me. I heard the glass I was carrying crash on the floor before I even knew it left my hand. _Please, let me be wrong. Please tell me he didn't do anything stupid._ I could hear Jake's voice come from somewhere over my left shoulder, I wasn't exactly sure what he said, but his voice was filled with concern. I could feel myself falling forward but Jake grasped my arm just above the elbow and led me to the counter which I gladly leaned against for support as I waited to regain full control of my limbs.

"Jake, you don't think that Brad would," I paused trying to find the right words, "start anything with Paul at school…do you?"

Noticing my panic Jake replied instantly with a not so convincing, "Of course not, he knows better."

"But what if-"

"-Suze, don't worry about it. I'm sure everything is fine."

I didn't really believe him but there wasn't much I could do here. All I knew was that if Brad started something that all Hell was going to break loose. I just wish I knew for sure.

I got my wish about two hours later when the phone rang. Jake and I had been in the family room watching television. Well Jake had been watching television I had been trying to catch up on some sleep. I hadn't exactly been sleeping well the last few nights and I was exhausted. I never did actually fall asleep but I was so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. I could hear everything that went on around me but I couldn't seem to move or even open my eyes, so I just dozed in and out taking comfort in the fact that I could feel Jake on the couch next to me. It was very quiet in the house, the TV creating the only sound. So when the phone rang I was, needless to say, rudely awaken. But when I saw the expression on Jake's face as he hung up the phone a few moments later, all of my annoyance at being woken up vanished and was replaced with blind fear.

"Jake?" He didn't reply to this. He was still holding the cordless in his hand as if expecting it to ring again and have the person on the other end tell him that anything he just heard was all a joke. Only he knew it wouldn't ring. "Jake come on, you're scaring me." And he was, his face went deathly pale and he seemed to be having trouble speaking. I stood and knelt down in front of where he was sitting, trying to get him to look at me. It was a good ten minutes before he seemed to regain the ability to speak. Ten long horrifying minutes. Before he started to speak he took a long ragged breath.

"That was Father Dominic. Brad never showed up to his last three classes…and his car is still in the parking lot." I stood and felt the blood drain from my face.

"He did, didn't he? He started something with Paul." My breath was coming in shallow gasps now.

Jake seemed to be trying to find the right way to say what he was thinking, "Slater disappeared around the same time as Brad."

I could feel it even before I knew it was happening. My throat closed up, my shallow breaths became shallower until they were non existent. I was gasping for breath that wouldn't come. Jake noticed this because he grabbed my shoulders to help keep me standing. We both knew that it wasn't going to help; my legs were going numb and were giving out beneath me. I collapsed on the floor despite Jake's attempts at keeping me standing. I knew that I was going to black out, its just one of those things you can feel. I was so scared. _Jesse_. I thought. _Jesse I need you._

Not more that a few moments later Jesse appeared before me with a frightened expression. He immediately bent over my still gasping figure on the ground. "Susannah look at me." I found myself unable to look at Jesse, my body wouldn't respond. Jesse seemed to have sensed this because he moved until he was sure that he was in my line of vision. He looked scared, scared for me. He knew that I wasn't breathing; he knew that I wasn't going to make it. I could just feel it; there was nothing anyone could do. "Susannah look at me, you have to breathe. You're having a panic attack," oh that's what this was, "and you need to try to calm down or your going to pass out."

My body started shaking and my hand shot out to grab onto Jesse's shirt sleeve. I was literally, in my mind, clinging onto him for dear life. I was only numbly aware of the next few moments; I could feel my mind start to go blank. I remember Jake leaving the room with the phone held up to his ear saying something about an ambulance. "Susannah," Jesse was still trying to get me to breath, and I was trying, oh I was trying, "Susannah you can't do this to me, listen to me you have to breath." I could see my vision get darker as my eyes drifted closed. The last thing I heard was Jesse whisper something close to my ear, "You can't leave me Susannah; I need you."


	11. Chapter 11

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: here is the next chapter, remember to review (I like to know what you all think, if you have any specific places that you like let me know) THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Chapter Eleven

_My head hurts. _I slowly became aware that I was lying down. I moved to sit up but the sharp pain that coursed though my body as soon as I lifted my head made me wince and fall back. I wondered how long I was out for. I vaguely remembered the panic attack, and Jesse speaking softly to me. I slowly attempted to open my eyes. The light was blinding and caused me to snap them shut again. After a moment or so I tried again, even slower than before, allowing my eyes to adjust as I opened them.

The first sight my eyes took in as I opened them was Jesse looking horrified as he leaned over my face. "Jesse?" It was as if the sound of my voice brought tears to his eyes, he welled up slightly and had to turn away for a moment, my guess is to compose himself. I took a moment to take in my surroundings—I was in a hospital. When he turned back to face me his eyes were still shining. "Susannah, I thought I'd lost you." His voice caught in his throat and sounded heavy with emotion.

"Jesse I remember not being able to breathe and I remember you saying that I was having a panic attack—but I don't remember why." My voice came through dried and cracked lips, reaching a volume only slightly above a whisper.

"Querida I don't know why." His strong hand came to gently place some stray hair behind my ear, "When you called to me, you already weren't breathing. My only concern was making sure that you were going to be alright."

We sat in silence for a moment or two. Not an awkward silence, not at all. This silence was the kind that I could stay in forever. Jesse's arms around me in a firm embrace, here was my paradise.

But our paradise was soon interrupted as Jake entered the room. As Jake turned to close the door behind him I chanced a look at Jesse—my eyes pleading with him to stay with me. He didn't take any time to think about it before nodding his consent.

"Hey there," Jake said as he walked cautiously over to where I was laying, "I was about to think you'd never wake up." He pulled me into a gentle embrace. One that suggested I was made out of glass.

"Jake, you don't have to be afraid of me. You're not going to break me." I decided to try to sit up again, but every time I lifted my head it felt as if it would split open at any given moment. "Maybe I'd better stay lying down."

"I think that would be a good idea." Jake replied.

"So how long was I out for?"

"About sixteen hours."

"I don't even remember why I panicked."

Jake turned away to fiddle with something on the table beside my bed. Not wanting to push him into saying something that was obviously causing him distress I tried to stay patient—but patience isn't really what I'm known for. "Jake," I said, trying to urge him into speaking, "what is it?"

"I got a call from your principal," my body tensed, "Brad never went to his last three classes, his car is still in the parking lot, and Slater disappeared around the same time. Neither of them has been seen since."

Jesse's grip on my shoulder tightened to a point where it was almost painful. I winced and he realized that he was hurting me so he pulled his arm away still looking shocked and angry.

After I recovered from the shock of the news I quickly scrambled to a sitting position ignoring the pain that throbbed in my skull. I was nearly out of bed by the time Jake and Jesse both pushed me back down. "Jake you don't understand, I have to find Brad."

"You _need_ to lie down."

"No, this is my fault. If I just go find Paul I can help Brad, I know I can,"

Jake looked like he was about to have a stroke, "You are not going near that psycho, the police are already looking for them. Let them do their job Suze."

"Jake you need to understand, it is my fault that he's doing this. He'll kill Brad if I don't go."

"We'll find a way to deal with this, but you are staying right here where I can keep an eye on you." Jake continued speaking but I wasn't listening to what he was saying, because at that moment a blue light began to shimmer in the middle of the room just beyond Jakes left shoulder. I looked at it as it took the form of a man—one who had definitely gotten his moneys worth at the gym. He caught my eye and grinned. My stomach churned at the sight of him.

"I have a message from Paul." My breath caught slightly in my throat as he spoke. "Show up at his house before noon or your brother won't live long. Either way He'll come looking for you, there is no way for you to hide. The least you could do is save an innocent life. It's your choice." As suddenly as he had appeared he was gone again. The only sign that he was actually there was the fear that mounted in my gut. I knew what I had to do, there was no other option—no matter how much I wished there was.

"Jake," he turned as I got his attention, "I'm sorry, but I really have to do this, I hope you'll forgive me." Then I punched him in the jaw. He was sent back sprawled on the floor unconscious.

"Susannah, what did you just do?" Jesse was bent over Jake checking the area that soon would be bruised and swollen.

Before anyone could stop me I was out of bed pulling on my jeans under the hospital gown. It was a good thing Jesse was paying so much attention to Jake because he probably would have had a coronary as I stripped off the gown entirely to pull my tee shirt back on. I headed for the door as I pulled my hair back in a ponytail. Jesse unfortunately had caught on to what I was doing and placed himself between me and the door.

"Jesse move." My tone fully implied that this was a command not a request, but Jesse would have none of it.

"I forbid you to go."

"You-You forbid me to go? You _forbid_ me to go?" I was angry now, "You can't forbid me to do anything Jesse. You and father Dom are always telling me to take responsibility for my actions—well that's what I am trying to do."

"This isn't your fault, he took advantage of you Susannah—you did not do anything to deserve what he did."

My eyes fell to the floor at this remark. I kissed him back, only for a moment true, but it doesn't make what I did alright. In a small voice I admitted the one thing I knew that could drive Jesse away, my eyes filling with tears as I did. "Jesse, when he kissed me, I was angry and frustrated and wasn't thinking clearly."

"Susannah, where are you going with this?"

"Jesse I kissed him back."

To say he looked stunned would have been a horrible understatement; he looked like I had punched him. "I didn't mean to but I was so upset and-"

But Jesse didn't wait for me to finish, "-don't" he said holding up a hand to stop my speech, "Just don't."

My eyes filled with tears as I reached for the door—this time Jesse didn't stop me. As I turned back to look at him I said the only thing I could think of, the truth, I wouldn't lie this time, "Jesse I kissed him, but it didn't mean anything. I was upset because I thought you didn't have feelings for me like I did for you." I chanced a look at Jesse; he wasn't looking at me, his eyes glued to the floor. "I love you, not Paul. I never meant to hurt you Jesse." With nothing left to say I turned and left the room, leaving Jesse just staring after me.


	12. Chapter 12

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: here is the next chapter, remember to review (I like to know what you all think, if you have any specific places that you like let me know) THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Chapter Twelve

Standing outside Paul's house I shivered, not because it was cold but because this place—this house was home to one seriously evil seventeen-year-old boy. Swallowing my fear I stepped up to the door and raised my hand to knock, but just as I raised my hand the door swung open to reveal the same ghost that had shown up in my hospital room. He ushered me inside and closed the door. I squared my shoulders and started for the stairs, determination set firmly in my feminine features. I wasn't going to let him intimidate me anymore; this is what I was born to do. And now Brad depended on me, I couldn't let him down, I refused to fail.

Paul's dead lackey was following closely as I reached the top of the stairs and headed toward the room where all of this had started. I rested my hand on the doorknob for a moment to gather my strength. _Three._ I took a deep breath. _Two._ Let it out. _One._ I threw open the door and stepped inside. It was dark in the room and it took a few moments for my eyes to adjust enough to find a light switch.

Once I flipped the switch and light flooded the room I found Brad immediately. He was bound and gagged in a chair in the far corner of the room. I rushed over to him and undid the gag first so he could breathe easier and explain to me how this happened. He took a large gulp of air then tried to speak but seemed to be having trouble forming words.

"Brad what happened?" I asked, hoping that this would urge him to speak.

"Suze," well at least he was talking. I had him almost untied, but I needed to hurry. Who knew when Paul was going to return? "You shouldn't be here."

"Oh come on, like I was going to let Paul get away with this." I had gotten him untied and was helping him to his feet when I noticed for the first time how badly he was beaten. He had a cut just above his left eyebrow, and he was holding his shoulder, I strongly suspected it was dislocated. I silently cursed Paul with everything I had. Just as I was helping Brad hobble over to the door it slammed shut in front of us to reveal Paul standing behind the door with a murderous look on his face that made me stumble backwards slightly. Brad stood straighter and grasped my hand as he edged in front of me slightly. Now this gesture was sweet don't get me wrong, but it was going to get him killed.

"What's the matter Suze?" Paul voice mocked me, "why are you leaving so soon?"

Brad's grip on my hand tensed. "Don't say a word to her."

"Oh come on Brad, are you jealous because someone else in the family is quickly earning the title "slut". I mean that's just kind of selfish." Brad lunged forward and had his hand around Paul's throat.

"Don't' talk about her like that. What you did to her was sick and wrong." Brad was angry, his face was turning red and he was shaking. Paul laughed. This was obviously not the reaction Brad had been expecting. The determination on his face faltered for a moment. A moment in which Paul head butted him sending him flying hard onto his back. Now I was pissed, no one gets to beat up my brothers but me. I cocked back my fist and stepped into the punch but Paul caught my hand twisted it behind my back. In doing this he had also twisted my body so my back was leaning against his chest. I shuddered slightly as I felt Paul's chest rise and fall with his breath. "Let me go." I tried to pull away from his grasp but his grip was firm.

Brad was still sprawled on the ground and seemed to be in serious pain. Paul leaned in so his breath skimmed my neck sending goose bumps all down my arms. "Come with me Suze. I know you want to; you can't deny that we're great together."

"If you seriously think I'm interested in you," my voice was threatening, or at least as threatening as it could be when he was in such close proximity to me that my legs started feel like jello and my breath faltered, "then you're even more demented than I thought."

Paul spun me around to face him and grabbed my shoulders. "What is wrong with you?" He was shaking me now, "DeSilva is dead Suze, get over him."

"Even if it weren't for Jesse I still wouldn't want you Paul." Apparently this was the wrong thing to say. His fist came flying out of nowhere and cracked against the side of my head. I could feel warm blood ooze down my right temple. "What you did to me just proves what I have always thought about you. You are a horrible person and-"another fist come flying at me, this one hit me in the ribs, I was sure I felt one crack. I doubled over in pain but Paul kept me standing. I needed to get Brad and get out of here fast; I didn't know how much longer I could hold on.

I turned my gaze to the desk beside me and found exactly what I needed; a letter opener. "Fine Paul," I started, turning my gaze back to him and attempting to put on my best smile. "I'll be yours; I'll do whatever you want."

He gave me a skeptical look, but loosened his grip on me, "What's the catch?"

"You let Brad go." This was a believable argument, and Paul seemed to have bought it because he let go of my shoulders. Now this was good, but Paul was still stronger than me so I needed to do this subtly.

Keeping his eyes on me the whole time Paul waved in Brad's general direction, "You are free to go."

"I'm not leaving you here Suze; you can't do this for me. I'll be fine, get outta here." Brad's voice sounded strained, he gritted his teeth and winced still holding his shoulder in place as he stood.

"That wasn't a request," Paul said turning his gaze toward Brad giving me a chance to slowly back toward the table. The ghost helper I had seen earlier opened the door and came into the room. He started to pull Brad toward the doorway. Brad was obviously confused, not being able to see who was pulling him. This threw him off and he was easily led out of the room. Paul and I were both silent as we waited for the front door to open and close, which it did, not two minutes later.

With Brad safely out of the house I worked hard to keep a smile on my face as I closed my fingers around the letter opener. Paul looked away for a second to close the door which was left open as the ghost left (obviously having to drag Brad out could not have just dematerialized out of the room). I leaped with the letter opener out in front of me and I plunged it into Paul's arm. He cried out in pain as he raised his hand to the wound. I threw the door open and ran for it. I heard another scream of pain as Paul yanked the object out of his arm. I could hear him coming after me, I had to move faster. I reached the stairs and was about to step down on to the first step when Paul lunged and caught my ankle causing me to fall and crash onto the stairs. Thankfully I was able to protect my head for the most part but my ribs once again took a harsh beating. Paul lost his footing though and we both went flying down the stairs. I was first to recover but Paul did soon after, I had only just begun to stand up when Paul whipped out the letter opener and stuck it deep into my abdomen.

The blood trickled down my side, but most of the blood was kept in because the object still protruded from my stomach. I gathered myself as best I could and while Paul was trying to do the same I hobbled toward the door. As I left I noticed Paul had landed on his ankle and as he tried to stand he collapsed again, his ankle was unable to support his weight.

Once through the door I found Brad waiting only a few yards from the end of the driveway, he had waited for me. Quickly before he saw I pulled the letter opener from my skin, grunting softly as I did this, and placed my hand over the wound. Brad caught my eye and started toward me. I pulled out my cell phone (courtesy of Andy and my mom) and dialed the house.

Jake picked up, "Suze are you alright?"

"Jake I need you to come pick Brad and me up, we're going to start walking from Paul's house, don't worry he can't follow us, but hurry please." Without hesitation Jake let me know that he was leaving right now and would find us in a few minutes. I hung up the phone and Brad and I started hobbling away from the "horror house" as I had rightfully renamed it.

"Thanks." Brad's voice was barely a whisper.

"For what?" I asked. So many things were on my mind at the moment I didn't know what he meant.

"For coming after me." He explained. I looked at him and he looked so sincere, I was really starting to like my new family. "I saw Slater in school and I just couldn't handle it, after I knew what he had done to you," he paused for a moment, "I just couldn't take it, I wanted to hurt him as badly as he hurt you." Despite the pain I was in I smiled. "I know how much he scares you, so it meant a lot that you came after me."

"Well everyone knows no one beats up on my brothers but me." Brad gave a soft laugh and put his good arm around me and kissed the top of my head, careful to avoid all blood. After a few minutes of walking I was starting to feel very weak. I looked down at my hand still applying pressure to my wound, and saw that it was covered completely in warm blood. I looked at Brad to make sure that he hadn't noticed and I shifted my jacket to cover the gash. But even so with every step I felt closer to passing out.

Thankfully true to his word Jake pulled up a few minutes later. He rushed out of the car and attempted to help me to the car, "Help Brad first." I said as I tried to get myself together. Reluctantly and after a moments protest from Brad, Jake helped him into the car then ushered me into the passenger side. Just as he pulled out onto the road Jake turned to me, "and don't think I've forgotten that you punched me." I had forgotten about that, I noticed that the side of his jaw was a bluish purple color, instantly I felt sorry. But I had gotten Brad out alive and relatively in tact so I'd say all together I could put this one in the win column.

"Sorry about that." I meant it really, but I still think that Jake could hear the smile in my voice.

As soon as we pulled up to the house (I had begged Jake not to go to the hospital and he agreed to take me home first, but Brad needed to have his shoulder popped back into place. I assured him that Paul couldn't go anywhere tonight and he finally agreed, obviously having no idea about the wound I was carefully covering.) I got out and hurried to the door. I wanted to get to my room and dress my wounds before anyone saw the severity of them.

The stairs took me several minutes to climb, I was sure by this point that I was as pale as a ghost (pardon my pun). Once I got to my room I carefully closed the door behind me and locked it. Stripping off my coat I headed toward the bathroom.

I peeled of my shirt which was a painful task; the blood had soaked it and made it stick to my skin. I still had on a thin tank top which I pulled up enough so that it still covered my chest but exposed the wound. The blood was still dripping down my abdomen, although at a slower rate than before. My eyes were starting to become unfocused and I felt dizzy. I wished Jesse were here, not that I expected him to be after what I admitted in the hospital, but still I needed him here with me.

A moment later Jesse appeared next to me, although he was facing the other direction, I realized he did this on purpose as soon as he started to speak. "Susannah, I don't want to talk to you right now, you are home now and not in the hospital so I assume everything at Slater's went smoothly so if you'll excuse me I'll be leaving now." he then started to dematerialize.

"Jesse," I felt my legs start to give and I suddenly leaned onto the sink for support, my hand slipping slightly because of the blood covering it. He must have sensed what went on behind him because he spun around, probably against his better judgment.

"Nombre de dios Susannah." I slipped from the sink entirely and Jesse caught me before I hit the ground. I no longer had the strength to hold my arm to my side and it fell limp revealing the wound left by the letter opener. "Susannah you need to be at a hospital."

"Jesse please, just help me bandage it up, it's not as bad as it looks." Reluctantly Jesse agreed and he folded a towel and laid it on the ground placing my head on it. He found all the supplies he needed (I keep my bathroom well stocked with medical supplies for obvious reasons). Close to a half an hour later Jesse had cleaned and bandaged all of my wounds (I didn't mention the broken ribs). My abdomen was bandaged with white gauze that was wrapped all the way around my middle. It felt stiff and it was hard to move. Jesse helped me up and he guided me back to my room.

Once inside I noticed all the blood on my tank top. "Jesse could you turn around for a minute?" I gestured to the soaked shirt and he complied. I grunted in pain as I pulled off the shirt, I could tell that Jesse was itching to help me, he hated seeing me in pain, but his protective nature was arguing against his old world manners of decency. I pulled a clean sage green tank top out of a laundry basket that I had brought up to my room a few days ago after doing laundry (I had never put the clean clothes away). I pulled it on over my head wincing and groaning as I did so. I was in so much pain after I got it over my head that my arms just fell to my sides for a moment. "Jesse, could you help me pull the shirt down?" I know this was an odd request, but I really didn't think I could lift my arms again.

"Susannah I don't think that I-"

"Jesse come on, I have it part of the way down, I promise it is covering everything. I just can't get it the rest of the way, I honestly can not lift my arms again." After hesitating a moment or two Jesse slowly turned around. Seeing that I did in fact have my chest covered he cautiously walked toward me and reached out to the sides of the tank top. His hands trembled as they grazed my skin pulling the lower portion of the tank top down over the white gauze.

I could feel my heart ramming against my ribs. I don't know what came over me as I leaned up slightly and captured Jesse's lips in my own. He was shocked, it took him a moment but he started to kiss me back. It was an earth shattering kiss filled with pent up emotion and longing. It was at least a few minutes before his sense got the better of him and he pulled away. "Susannah, I'm sorry but I can't stop picturing you with him." his features were hardening and he was trying to force an impersonal tone into his voice, but he was failing in doing that.

"Jesse, I thought that you didn't love me. Paul said that he could teach me some stuff about mediation so I went to his house. He kissed me and I kissed him back because I was upset but I did pull away and I did tell him to stop because I know that you are the only one I want to be with. Jesse I tried to stop loving you, I realize that we live in different worlds but I can't. I love you so much that it scares me. I've never felt this way about anyone before, and when I think that I might never be with you, that you might not feel the same way I don't know what to do. I know it was stupid and if I could take it back I would but I can't. I just want to make you understand that Paul never has and never will mean anything to me. Jesse, you're my everything."

Jesse put a hand to my face, "Querida I-"but he didn't say anything else, he let his features soften and he pulled me toward him and found my lips with his. Many minutes later we broke apart, I was breathing heavily (Jesse looked as if he would be too had he needed to breath). "I love you Susannah Simon. I know I shouldn't and I know that it goes against all logic, but I love with my whole heart and I want you to know that beyond all doubt."


	13. Chapter 13

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: here is the next chapter, remember to review (I like to know what you all think, if you have any specific places that you like let me know) THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Chapter Thirteen

When I climbed into bed hours later, Jake and Brad still weren't home from the hospital. Jesse had insisted on staying with me, not that I minded of course, even though I had mentioned that Paul couldn't go anywhere because of his ankle. It felt nice knowing that Jesse would be there watching over me as I slept. It reminded of the night that he did this same thing to protect me from Maria after she had threatened to kill me. And once again Jesse had placed himself on the window seat with a book in his lap. I quickly drifted off to sleep; I hadn't realized how exhausted I was until just then.

As exhausted as I was, the sleep I entered into was uneasy; my body knew that something was off. Even asleep I was aware that my heart rate quickened, as did my breathing. It took me only a few more moments to realize that I wasn't really sleeping, not technically anyway. I was conscious and aware of what was happening to me and around me but I couldn't move my limbs or open my eyes. It was this realization, I believe, that caused my body to tremble involuntarily.

I felt the bed sink down slightly on one side, and then Jesse's soothing touch on my arm. I tried to move my lips to speak his name but found I couldn't. The way Jesse's grip tensed, effectively translated what he was feeling; he was scared. "Susannah?" he called to me. His voice shook slightly as if he weren't sure I could hear him. "Susannah, can you hear me?"

I response I released a strangled cry. It couldn't leave my mouth though because my jaw was refusing to open, but Jesse heard it all the same. He moved his hand from my shoulder to my face, cupping it tenderly. He took his other hand and stroked my hair. "Querida," his voice was filled with worry, "You're burning up." I felt him leave the bed. I didn't want him to go; I needed him to stay with me.

It was then that I realized that I _was_ burning up. I was sweating; it felt like every inch of me was on fire. I wanted to cry out in pain but wouldn't will my lips to part. The heat was getting to me and I started to panic. Then I felt something soft and cold on my head. I started to calm and regain control of my body. I still couldn't move my arms but I was almost able to open my eyes.

"Susannah, can you open your eyes?" he waited a moment, "Come on Querida, open your eyes for me." With extreme effort I lifted my eyelids. Jesse sighed in relief, "you scared me to death Querida. Did you know that?"

"Jesse," my voice sounded weak even to my own ears. This seemed to pain Jesse. "I think something's wrong with me. My arms won't move."

Defiantly Jesse shook his head. He refused to believe this, "it's just the fever, your strength will return."

"No it won't." Jesse whipped around to see who this new intruder was, but I had already seen. I gasped in shock, because in the center of my room was Paul. Only he had a bluish glow around him. Paul was a ghost.

(A/N ok I know it's a very very short chapter but I couldn't resist the cliff hanger. I promise I will update with more soon though. PLEASE REVIEW!)


	14. Chapter 14

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: here is the next chapter, remember to review (I like to know what you all think, if you have any specific places that you like let me know) THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Chapter Fourteen

There was a moment of pure silence; my heavy breathing was the only thing that could be heard over the glares exchanged between Jesse and Paul. How could this have happened? Paul is dead? Last I left him he was laying at the bottom of the stairs in his house clutching his ankle. Now he's here in my room. Did I mention he was dead?

Jesse was the first to recover; "Paul" the loathing was evident in his voice.

"Jesse" Paul's voice was equally loathing. Jesse bent over to help me carefully into a sitting position. I worked hard to ignore the pain as he raised my back off the mattress to lean against his chest.

Taking a deep but painful breath I opened my mouth to speak, "Paul, how…?" I didn't know exactly how to voice the question. I couldn't just come right out and say "hey Paul, who offed you?" …could I? I didn't get to decide because Paul seemed to sense what I was trying to ask and spared me the pain of trying to find a way to ask it, ironically enough.

"You really don't know do you?" this confused me, what was I supposed to know? "You belong with me Suze, and I don't understand why you can't see that." As Paul took a step toward my bed and Jesse and me I felt Jesse's arms wrap protectively around my weakened body.

"What is happening to Susannah?" Jesse obviously didn't care why Paul was dead, he didn't need to know. What he did need to know was what was wrong with me.

"Well earlier this evening Suze believed that she had outsmarted me by tricking me into letting her brother go and then stabbing me with my own letter opener." Jesse looked down at me as Paul said this, his eyes showing a half amused and half disapproving look. "What she didn't know was that before I went after her I dipped the tip of the letter opener into a vile of poison that I keep in my pocket. She won't live to see the sun rise."

"But why?" Jesse asked. I agree with him, it doesn't make sense. "Why would you kill her if you supposedly love her?"

"I would think that that would be obvious." Paul's sounded amused, his eyes twinkling in a laughing way. "If I can't have her, no one can. She belongs with me, whether or not she can see it."

"Your insane." I croaked out. This small sentence sent me into a fit of coughs, a small amount of blood rising from my throat. Jesse looked at me in alarm. He took the cloth he had been using to bring my fever down and used it to wipe the blood from my face. Paul laughed, as if amused by the scene. "Your not insane." Jesse countered, "Your sick."

Paul laughed at this comment as if it were the most amusing thing in the world, "I expect she only has a few more hours to live."

"This still doesn't explain what happened to you Paul." I asked, finally finding the strength to voice the question I had had in my head since he first appeared in my room. "Why are you dead?"

"Again Suze, you disappoint me." He chuckles and takes another step toward the bed, "without you my life became meaningless. And after all, I had to find a way that I could look after you at all times and make sure my plan goes off without a hitch."

At that moment I heard the front door open then slam shut. Brad and Jake are home. I call as loudly as I could muster; Paul looks at me with a confused expression. Jake opens my door, obviously only able to see me. He crosses to my bed and takes in my appearance, which by the look on his face must be awful. "Suze what's wrong?"

"I wasn't" I stop for a moment to catch my breath, "completely honestly with you and Brad." He looks concerned but stays quiet, sensing that it would just be easier for me to continue without interruptions. "At Paul's house tonight, he" I felt my voice give out, my breathing wasn't steady enough to continue at this point. So I settled for lifting my shirt slightly to reveal Jesse's bandaging job which you could now see the first sigh of blood beginning to leak through. The bleeding had strengthened once again due to the poison.

It was at this time that I wondered why Paul wasn't stopping me from informing Jake. But upon glancing over to where Paul was standing I found Jesse physically restraining him. It seems that I hadn't noticed Jesse leave my side.

Jakes eyes grew wide in horror. "We need to get you to the Hospital." He began to lift me off the bed, "BRAD GET IN HERE I NEED YOUR HELP!" Brad came bounding in the door. He must have been more astute than normal, despite the sling in which his broken arm was cradled. Jake tossed him the car keys and Brad was gone again. Jesse made sure to hold Paul back as Jake exited the room with me in his arms. I could only hope that we reached the hospital in time, I was already finding it hard to lift my head. _Please let me live_.


	15. Chapter 15

WARNING: This story contains sexual content, harsh language, and violence

DISCLAIMER: All of the characters and settings are from the Mediator series by Meg Cabot, but the plot is mine.

A/N: AHHHH sorry it took me so long to update, things have been CRAZY this school year. I hope you all still want to read this. Anyway please review!

Chapter Fifteen

I was barely conscious as Jake bounded into the emergency department, me in his arms and Brad right behind us. My breath was coming in wheezing gasps, each time I undertook the now laborious task of filling my lungs I felt as if they would burst from the pain. I could no longer hold my head up by myself and it lolled lifelessly over Jakes arm.

"We need a doctor over here!" Jake yelled, his voice booming over the sparsely populated waiting room. Almost immediately a nurse and doctor ran over to us and took in the sight of my limp and quickly paling form. A gurney was wheeled over and I was gently placed on it, and as the nurse wheeled me into the back, the doctor was checking me all over and yelling off what I assumed to be my vital signs. Another nurse sprinted over to the doctor and handed him a needle which he quickly used to inject something into my arm.

Jake and Brad were running along side trying to keep up. Just before we reached the back room Jake grasped my hand and I looked at him with tears in my eyes, "Jake please, I don't want to die." He looked so helpless as the doors closed blocking him from view. Within a few moments I felt my mind clearing as I finally let go and allowed myself to pass out.

My head felt thick and fuzzy as I became dimly aware of someone stroking my damp hair away from my face. I found my eyelids heavy after struggling for several moments to open them. I was able to see only blurs of light and color. Right next to my ear I heard someone whisper to me, "Susannah, please tell me you are alright. I need to know that you are okay." _Jesse._

I forced my eyes fully open and I fought to turn my gaze to meet his. Relief immediately swept over his handsome features as he pulled me into his embrace. "I was so worried I had lost you."

"Jesse" I hadn't even realized I was speaking, it just sort of came out, but either way he looked delighted to hear my voice. "What about Paul?" I needed to know what happened. I needed to know if this was over.

A small smile crept across Jesse's lips. "Don't worry about that Susannah."

"What did you do to him?" I asked, my voice becoming more stable with every word.

"You needn't worry." By the smirk on his face I had an inkling that whatever happened to Paul was similar to what Jesse had done to Marcus Beaumont. That seemed like such a long time ago now. I mean that was P.P (pre Paul) and everything.

Deciding to let the issue drop for the moment, I asked Jesse where Brad and Jake were. He pointed to the other side of the room where I found both of my brothers sitting by the wall and sleeping soundly. They had stayed the whole night. It occurred to me how lucky I was to have them in my life, even if sometimes I wanted to kill them, I knew I would kill for them just as easily (A/N wow hello cheesy…eh just bare with me).

They both awoke just as the doctor entered the room a chart in his hand, but a smile on his face. "It's good to see you awake and alert Susannah. You gave us quite the scare the other day." My whole body froze…_the other day?!?!?_ I shot Jesse a questioning look (careful to not look to conspicuous being as where I was the only one who could see him). He gravely nodded his head in reply.

I hadn't even noticed the doctor begin a routine check up; seeing if my eyes would dilate, checking my reflexes, blood pressure and heartbeat etc. When he seemed satisfied he looked at me sternly, "now just because you are feeling somewhat better and are expected to make a full recovery does not mean you are all better already. I will allow you to go home this afternoon but I expect you to stay in bed for at least another two days just to make sure. Do you understand me?" he looked at me expectantly, I rolled my eyes. _Even if I wanted to get up Jesse wouldn't allow it._ I shook my head then shot Jesse an 'I know I know' kind of look to which he just smiled and laid a hand on my shoulder letting me know he wasn't going anywhere and would see to it that I followed doctors orders. _Well at least I'll have Jesse to keep me company._

Once the doctor had left, Brad and Jake came over to my bedside. Jesse tactfully let me know that he was excusing himself so I could have a few moments with my brothers. For a few minutes there was only silence. The first to speak was Brad, "don't you ever lie to us again." He said sternly as he playfully 'socked' me on the shoulder, but not hard enough to even make me flinch. I nodded my head in reply.

"Uh Suze…" Jake looked like he really needed to say something but dreaded the thought of actually saying it, I found out why a moment later, "well…you see…when the doctor gave you the check up…he kind of found out about all the injuries…and about…" I knew where this was going, the doctor had found out about what Paul had done. Why hadn't I though of that? Jake's gaze was glued to the floor a sheepish expression plastered on his face. Brad decided to continue for him when he realized that I had figured it out.

"The doctor said that our parents needed to know since you're a minor. I'm sorry; I know you didn't want anyone to find out."

"So what now?" I asked.

"Mom and dad are coming home this evening and they want to file a lawsuit. Paul has already been taken into custody, there was enough…" he hesitated on the word "physical evidence to do at least that." Jake responded.

"They won't be able to hold him for long though without a trial and everything." Brad cut in. I knew that they wanted me to agree to this, but I didn't know if I could. Things could get really bad for us…then it hit me…Paul had been taken into custody…how? I thought he was dead, I saw him in my room…he was dead! Then it hit me, _of course!_ Paul had someone exorcise him, he wasn't really dead. THAT BASTORD!

I looked between my brothers, my expression showing both fear and anger. Jake took my hand in his, "Don't worry, we will be right there with you and don't worry about anyone else. You need to do this for you." I knew he was right. I needed to find my strength and stand up to Paul once and for all. He had to know that you can't just play with people like that; he had to know that he couldn't get away with it. I needed to do this to gain control of my life again. Seeing the looks on both of their faces I made up my mind, "I want to do it. I want to press charges."

(A/N:what do you think? Should I keep going, leave it here, add on to this story or make a sequel?)


	16. Epilogue

WARNING: by now I'd hope you all know what this story contains.

DISCLAIMER: do I really have to say it again? See previous chapters if you do.

A/N: I have been thinking for the longest time about how to end this story in a way that I think would do it justice (and I'm terribly sorry if it doesn't), but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Epilogue 

It was a month later that the day of the trial finally arrived. I was a nervous wreck to say the very least. My hands shook violently, preventing me from successfully clasping the necklace my mom had picked out for precisely this occasion around my neck. I was aware that I had made up my mind and that this was something I needed to do, but that didn't mean I wouldn't have given anything I owned to be able to back out. The lawyer my parents hired had already prepared me for the types of questions they would be asking, and I felt my heart sink in the knowledge that I would have to relive what he had done to me.

Never in my life had I felt as weak as I had at that moment; not when Heather had sent a statue head chasing after me, not when she made the roof collapse on me, not when Marcus Beaumont threatened to kill me, not when I was being drowned by four pissed off ghosts in formal wear, not even when I was exorcised out of my own body. I never felt as used and…dirty as he made me feel by taking the one thing I would never be able to get back—my innocence.

Sighing I let the necklace fall limply into my lap as I sat at my vanity. Trembling hands rose to my face as I fought to keep control. _No, not today, I will not fall apart today. _A barely audible gasp released itself from my lips as I felt familiar and comfortable arms wrap themselves around my shoulders. "Susannah, look at me."

Slowly I composed myself as much as was possible under the circumstances and let my hands drop, revealing my now red and puffy eyes as I looked almost helplessly up at Jesse as he knelt before me. "Susannah, you only have to make it through today. After that he won't be able to hurt you anymore. You just have to breathe and remember that I am always with you."

With relief I wrapped my arms tightly around Jesse thanking what ever deity who cared to listen that he was here with me. Taking several deep breaths, I finally relinquished my hold on the tanned, muscular figure beside me. A soft smile gracing his perfectly formed lips, he reached out a hand to help me up. Just as I was able to steady myself there was a knock on my door. "Come in." I called as I watched Jesse shimmer slightly then fade as my mother walked in.

Taking comfort in the fact that I knew Jesse would be back and was only giving my mother a I a moment out of politeness calmed me as I turned to face the sympathetic gaze of the woman in my room. "How are you holding up Suzie?"

"I guess as well as can be expected." I shrugged.

Her eyes shined with unshed tears as she crossed the room slowly until she came to stand in front of me. Placing her hands tenderly on my shoulders in a warm maternal gesture, she spoke softly, a reassurance that came more from her voice that her words themselves. "I want to let you know how proud of you I am."

Confused, I answered back hesitantly, "proud…? Of what?"

"Of how strong you are being. Accepting something as horrible as rape and standing up against it…I'm not sure I would be able to do it were I in your position." Most of the time when one hears this sort of talk, it is immediately shrugged off as false praise, but when I heard those words, the sincerity behind them struck a chord deep within me and I felt myself stand a little bit taller. "You have always been a fighter Suzie, and that may not have always made me very happy, but today I couldn't be more grateful that I can stand here and say that my little girl was able to fight her way through this."

In a daze I felt myself be pulled into her embrace, and the warm tears that flowed down her delicate features onto the back of my exposed neck. I think that if one good thing came out of this situation it would be the closeness that it provided my family. It is good to know that I can count on them to stand up for me, believe in me and protect me when I need it the most.

Pulling back and wiping at her now swollen eyes she smiled softly through the remaining tears, "We have to leave soon sweetheart. I'll meet you downstairs in ten?" With a nod from me she turned and left the room, leaving me to my thoughts as I collected myself and prepared for what was to come.

As much preparing as I had done, nothing could have prepared me for coming face to face with Paul as I entered the courtroom. The look in his steely blue eyes could have killed and I would have probably been terrified had I not been flanked on all sides by my family; Brad and Jake to my sides, my mother and Andy just behind me, and David leading the way with my lawyer. Jesse could be seen lurking at the back of the room, although he knew I could see him and that was all that mattered.

My parents and brothers took their seats in the row closest to me as I made my way to the table provided for the Prosecution. The medium sized courtroom was sparsely populated with members from each family, a few lawyers and official persons that were required to be in attendance. Although the small size of the crowd was comforting I was still extremely nervous as the Judge began the trial.

My head was completely in a haze as both lawyers examined the evidence brought forth by the medical personnel, and called on character witnesses. Although my mind was a thousand miles away at this point, my attention snapped back to focus when Paul was called to the stand. The malevolent gleam in his eyes made me shrink back slightly in my seat and wonder what sort of defense he had come up with.

Soon after he had taken the oath promising that he wouldn't lie in this testimony, _as if_, his lawyer began questioning. At first he started out with the basics; "What is your name?" "What age are you?" "Where do you go to school?"…that sort of thing. "Mr. Slater you are aware of the charges being brought against you are you not?"

"Yes sir, I am." My shoulders tensed and my breathing halted as his voice smoothly rolled over his statement.

"And for the record, do you deny these charges?"

"I do."

"So you are saying, so there is no confusion, that you _did not_ rape Susannah Simon?"

"That is what I am saying." Turning his gaze to meet mine he smirked in just a way that it could be construed as thoughtful disbelief, but to those who knew better, namely myself, the slight twist to his lips sent chills down my spine. "I did not rape Susannah Simon." What was really odd was then his lawyer turned his attention to Paul's spectacular grades and his impeccable record of community service. _He probably paid someone to create that record. If Paul has ever done a days work…an HONEST days work in his entire life, for someone else's benefit, I think I'd die of shock._

When his lawyer stepped away and said "no further questioning" I was shocked. That was his whole defense?

After a moment or two to look over his documents one more time, my lawyer took the floor. "So, Mr. Slater, you mentioned earlier that you fully denied the charges brought against you. Is that correct?"

"Yes sir that is correct."

"Would you care to elaborate on that?"

"Sir," he started with obvious mocking disdain in his voice, "I did not _rape_ Susannah for one vitally important detail…she wanted it."

Of all the responses I would have expected to hear, that was one I was not prepared for. It really shouldn't have shocked me, after all he _is_ a self absorbed, cocky, arrogant, delusional prick who thinks he's some immortal god sent to Earth who can do no wrong. I sat in shock for a few moments with this new development. I could hear Brad and Jake whispering furiously behind me. I only caught a few words such as "fuck," "kill," and "ass jacket"…so overall it didn't sound too pleasant, but it did succeed in calming me and bringing my attention back to the actual trial.

"Now, Mr. Slater, how can you be sure that she wanted this?" my lawyer said in rebuttal.

"Easy. When I kissed her, she kissed me back and even let me get her into the bed." Paul said with a self-satisfied smirk.

"No further questions." For a moment, as Paul descended from the whiteness stand, did I breathe sigh of relief…that is until I realized that that meant it was my turn. I heard my name called and I slowly made my way up to the seat that the spawn of Satan had just vacated, sitting cautiously on the edge of the seat. Paul's lawyer paced studiously in front of me, "Can you please recite your name and age for the court please?"

"My name is Susannah Simon and I'm sixteen-years-old." (A/N: she is sixteen in this one right; it's been so long since I've been able to read them?) My voice was soft yet I was sure it spread throughout the whole of the room.

"Would you, Miss. Simon, be so kind as to state the nature of the charges that you are pressing against Mr. Slater?"

Saying it was still difficult for me, even though my parents had talked with me about it and had insisted I see a counselor to speak with on the issue…still, it never got easier. "Paul Slater raped me in his bedroom just over a month ago."

"And Miss. Simon, are you aware of what rape is?" _Oh, so this is his plan of attack. He's going to make me look like an idiot…great._ I thought sarcastically before answering.

"Yes sir I am well aware of what rape is."

"Then are you quite sure that what Mr. Slater did can be defined as rape?"

"Yes sir, I'm sure."

"Then maybe Miss, you can recount for the court exactly what happened that afternoon so that we may hear for ourselves."

I froze. They were going to make me relive it. I knew in some part of my mind that this would happen, but another part of me wanted to believe that I would never have to think about that day ever again. I was going to tell the lawyer, very politely might I add, where he might go, but I could hear Jesse's voice in my head telling me that after today it would all be over. Gazing to the back of the room I saw Jesse's expression, a mix of support and sympathy, and decided to push through this situation because I wanted it over with.

So I took a deep breath and began. As I started I could tell Paul was surprised, he didn't expect that I would have had the courage to relieve the single most horrifying moment of my sixteen years, but he was wrong. Starting from the beginning, not leaving anything out, including that I had, in fact, kissed him back at first, I told the story. I told the _full_ story to the courtroom of intent listeners for the first and last time.

Looking back as I left the courtroom after the verdict I think I should have been a little more relieved. Paul had been sentenced to five years in a juvenile detention center, and I was finally free of him. But all I could think about was the look of absolute disbelief in his eyes that soon changed to a deadly hatred.

As my brothers pulled me gently out of the room where Paul was being handcuffed as he said goodbye to his parents, I could only think of one thing…he'd be back someday and I can't run forever.

A/N: Well, that's the end!!! I know the ending is sort of a cliffy, but I just wanted to leave it that way because I love the suspense it creates. If anyone feels that they absolutely can't live with the ending like this and wants to write a sequel just message me for permission. As always read and review!!!


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